Chubs: Barkeep, another draft, please. Hey, Bulk, did you see this in the news?
Bulk: What’s that?
Chubs: New way to measure your health and forget BMI.
Bulk: What’s BMI? Hey, I’ll have another draft, also. What’s the story?
Chubs: BMI stands for Body Mass Index; it’s supposed to be a measure of health. Mine’s 38; I checked. I’m guessing yours is in the forties.
Bulk: So, what should it be?
Chubs: You see Rail over there? That’s what a good BMI looks like, hardly any body fat. Anyway, now the new health measurement is called body roundness. Your waist should be less than half your height.
Bulk: And if it is greater?
Chubs: Heart problems. Walla! The late comedians John Candy, John Pinette, and Louie Anderson; I could throw in Chris Farley, but he was also a drug user. Round people, really round people are more likely to have heart problems as the short lives of those comics indicate.
Bulk: What’re you sayin’? I shouldn’t drink this beer? What about old Charley over there. He’s pushing 350 or more and he’s shorter than we are. He’s 76 with no signs he won’t make 77 or more.
Chubs: No, it’s a statistical thing. You can’t point to individuals because there are exceptions. Rounder means more likely, not definitely. I just know I’m making changes. Going to lose this gut.
Bulk: But you realize that diet science is always changing. Carbs, no carbs, certain carbs, all meat and no potatoes, celery, cereal, no cereal, rice, no starches. I can’t keep up. And then there are all those pills and injections. Geez, it’s a constant noise about weight and shape.
Chubs: I know. Makes me wonder whether we’ll ever know how to live longer. I mean, what’s so wrong with beer? Aren’t we all just too inactive? Take Rail over there. He’s always on the move, and he drinks beer, lots of beer. That’s lots of carbs, isn’t it? Maybe I can keep drinking beer if I move around more during the day.
Bulk: I’m not worrying about it because I heard stress is a cause of heart problems. Drinking beer is the least stressful activity I know short of sleeping. It’s liquid bread—uh, just realized that I’m not supposed to eat bread, or desserts, or snacks, or…
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/health-fitness/diet/weight-loss/body-roundness-index/