Trust in a relationship doesn’t imply verification, but it appears that many people seem to need some verification. That need can be a relationship’s undoing. Remember President Reagan’s “Trust, but verify”? The late president made that remark in the context of an international agreement on weapons. In fact, the need to verify negates trust. I don’t want to invoke Yoda here, but if the little green creature were philosophizing on the subject, he would say, “Trust, or do not trust; there is no verify.”
In a song he co-composed with George Harrison called “It Don’t Come Easy,” Ringo Starr sings, “I don’t ask for much; I only want your trust,/And you know it don’t come easy.” Faulty subject-verb agreement aside, the song’s lyrics are an extension of Reagan’s famous statement. Apparently, many relationships do not adhere to the Yodaist (I made that up) trust philosophy. People seem to operate on the principle that there are degrees of trust, and that poses a problem for those who doubt the commitment of partners.
So, let’s take a look at relationships. 1) Relationships of lovers seem to fall into one of two initial versions. Some begin in the passion of the moment, born from a mutual, emotionally bound trust. Others seem less “born” than “evolved” or “developed.” The latter version seems, at least to those outside the relationship, a bit more cerebral than those grounded in heated passion. The two versions are not mutually exclusive, however. What begins in a momentary trust of physicality can evolve into a long-term relationship without suspicions. 2) Business and political relationships also seem to fall into two versions. Excitement about the promise of economic or political gain kick-starts the relationship between willing partners. Then as promises remain either totally or partially unfulfilled, trust diminishes.
Once lost, trust is difficult to restore because restoration appears to rely on verification. Verification might reassure one partner in the relationship or the other, but, again, such verification by virtue of what verifying entails, negates trust.
In a mutually beneficial or loving relationship there is no need to verify.
In a song he co-composed with George Harrison called “It Don’t Come Easy,” Ringo Starr sings, “I don’t ask for much; I only want your trust,/And you know it don’t come easy.” Faulty subject-verb agreement aside, the song’s lyrics are an extension of Reagan’s famous statement. Apparently, many relationships do not adhere to the Yodaist (I made that up) trust philosophy. People seem to operate on the principle that there are degrees of trust, and that poses a problem for those who doubt the commitment of partners.
So, let’s take a look at relationships. 1) Relationships of lovers seem to fall into one of two initial versions. Some begin in the passion of the moment, born from a mutual, emotionally bound trust. Others seem less “born” than “evolved” or “developed.” The latter version seems, at least to those outside the relationship, a bit more cerebral than those grounded in heated passion. The two versions are not mutually exclusive, however. What begins in a momentary trust of physicality can evolve into a long-term relationship without suspicions. 2) Business and political relationships also seem to fall into two versions. Excitement about the promise of economic or political gain kick-starts the relationship between willing partners. Then as promises remain either totally or partially unfulfilled, trust diminishes.
Once lost, trust is difficult to restore because restoration appears to rely on verification. Verification might reassure one partner in the relationship or the other, but, again, such verification by virtue of what verifying entails, negates trust.
In a mutually beneficial or loving relationship there is no need to verify.
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