Have you noticed that in retrospect almost every conversation might have “gone better”? Only on some occasions do we say “the perfect thing.” Ah! Revision. Would it were prevision. Makes me wonder whether or not my attitude toward most past conversations should be subjunctive. After all, changing what I said in the past is impossible and irrealis.
Alas! In many of our off-the-cuff remarks, in quick responses, and during verbal attacks, most of us say what we later wish we could resay. And then there’s the faulting of others for “not saying what should have been said.” Of course, “should have been said” is an order; “might have been said” is an alternative.
“Well, when you were talking to him, why didn’t you tell him that he can’t just lay a guilt trip on you every time you go shopping. You were with him. Why didn’t you mention his nights with his friends or days on the golf course? You should have told him.” Or, “You had the meeting with the politician. Why didn’t you ask him about our potholes?”
Every “wish I could have thought of that” and “wish I had said that” is based on an unreal condition, and advice given to others about “what they should have said” is similarly unreal. What good does saying “If I had been there, I would have said” do? What purpose does it serve other than to cast some feelings of guilt or regret for what was “unsaid”?
Do you find it interesting that our brains allow us to handle both reality and unreality as though they were equal? Unreal conditions pervade our perspective all the time. “If I were to win the lottery, I would….” Even more interesting is that each of us has a better chance at winning the lottery than we have of changing what we said or behaving as we did. Changing the past is the ultimate “unreal condition,” the ultimate subjunctive.
Alas! In many of our off-the-cuff remarks, in quick responses, and during verbal attacks, most of us say what we later wish we could resay. And then there’s the faulting of others for “not saying what should have been said.” Of course, “should have been said” is an order; “might have been said” is an alternative.
“Well, when you were talking to him, why didn’t you tell him that he can’t just lay a guilt trip on you every time you go shopping. You were with him. Why didn’t you mention his nights with his friends or days on the golf course? You should have told him.” Or, “You had the meeting with the politician. Why didn’t you ask him about our potholes?”
Every “wish I could have thought of that” and “wish I had said that” is based on an unreal condition, and advice given to others about “what they should have said” is similarly unreal. What good does saying “If I had been there, I would have said” do? What purpose does it serve other than to cast some feelings of guilt or regret for what was “unsaid”?
Do you find it interesting that our brains allow us to handle both reality and unreality as though they were equal? Unreal conditions pervade our perspective all the time. “If I were to win the lottery, I would….” Even more interesting is that each of us has a better chance at winning the lottery than we have of changing what we said or behaving as we did. Changing the past is the ultimate “unreal condition,” the ultimate subjunctive.
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