Wheezer: “Maybe it’s the American diet. Uh…Sorry, I was just thinking of all those antacid commercials on TV. Acid reflux. Gurd. You’d think Americans are the Gurdians of the Galaxy. Sorry, again. Couldn’t resist the pun. Anyway, from the number of commercials and the numbers of related OTC products, I assume this is almost a galactic problem.”
Ralph: “Diet and lifestyle, I’d say. Probably the reason so many of us could lose a few pounds. But what’s the big deal? Want some hot wings? There’s a commercial about and remedy for the heartburn. Feel free to eat at will, to eat what you will. It’s the American way, and maybe, who knows, the galactic way. There could be aliens scraping MgSO4·7H2O off cave walls in the belief that it can cure some stomach ailment just as people scraped epsomite and other deposits off the walls of Mammoth Cave thousands of years ago in the belief that they found a cure for all digestive tract ailments. So, Wheezer, your ‘Gurdians of the Galaxy’ isn’t too big a word stretch. We see; we eat. We suffer the consequences and then scramble for a cure. Fortunately for us today, the lengths to which we go to find a digestive tract cure are shorter and less hazardous than those taken by that famous mummy found in Mammoth Cave.”
Wheezer: “Mummy? …Oh! That ancient guy found crushed beneath a giant boulder. Died when the boulder fell as he scraped the walls for minerals, right? But isn’t it a disappointment that in the entire history of humanity we haven’t come up with a way to determine ahead of time the effects of what we eat so that we don’t have to suffer from reflux?”
Ralph: “What are you talking about. We know that if we eat this or that we’ll benefit or suffer. Tell me you didn’t know that all that pizza you ate last night would affect your night’s rest. You knew. You ate anyway. It’s what we humans do. Damn the torpedoes; full eating ahead. There’s always an OTC cure. Everyone has one stashed in a medicine cabinet or kitchen cupboard. People are prepared to counter their eating choices; that way, they can eat as they desire and lessen the effects.”
Wheezer: “Then look at how we choose to live. We’re aware that we will suffer by doing something, but we do it anyway because we believe we’re immortal, that there’s always a way out of what we get ourselves into. ‘Yeah,’ we say, ‘I’m not going to feel well in the morning, but this stuff is irresistible. Give me another one. What’s one more drink or one more serving? I can take something.’”
Ralph: “So, we live the hedonist’s life. And we chase after fads, probably the result of effective advertising. I guess we’re all a bit guilty there. We’re told. We eat. We’re told. We do. Eating and doing in search of the new and exciting, the promises that draw the hedonist as the flame draws the moth. Only, we’re burned by heartburn. But knowing that our choices are harmful and making them anyway seems just plain stupid. I know we can’t always make those perfect choices and that we get bored with the same-old-same-old, but sometimes a little boredom is prudent, not that I want to live the life of a tree. No, I guess, what I’m saying is that we sometimes do what we know is imprudent or has wretched consequences like retching. And that applies to other choices we make, like whom we choose for public office. Seems that no matter whom we choose to put in, we soon seek some emetic.”
Wheezer: “But that’s our history. Everyone wants a leader with wisdom and integrity, someone above reproach, but then we discover that our choice gives us the gurd. And then we suffer and pop temporary remedies we find in the dark recesses of cupboards and medicine cabinets.”
Ralph: “Yeah. But that’s the problem. Temporary. And sometimes the temporary remedy begets other problems. Take too much Epsom salts, and you suffer from too much magnesium. Sometimes the cure is just as bad as the ailment. Sometimes the cure takes a generation, so the sufferers get no relief. Don’t get me started…”
Wheezer: “I think I’m going to go check my medicine cabinet. Maybe everyone should check the cabinet. The country has just swallowed something that might make us Gurdians in our collective Galaxy.”
Ralph: “Diet and lifestyle, I’d say. Probably the reason so many of us could lose a few pounds. But what’s the big deal? Want some hot wings? There’s a commercial about and remedy for the heartburn. Feel free to eat at will, to eat what you will. It’s the American way, and maybe, who knows, the galactic way. There could be aliens scraping MgSO4·7H2O off cave walls in the belief that it can cure some stomach ailment just as people scraped epsomite and other deposits off the walls of Mammoth Cave thousands of years ago in the belief that they found a cure for all digestive tract ailments. So, Wheezer, your ‘Gurdians of the Galaxy’ isn’t too big a word stretch. We see; we eat. We suffer the consequences and then scramble for a cure. Fortunately for us today, the lengths to which we go to find a digestive tract cure are shorter and less hazardous than those taken by that famous mummy found in Mammoth Cave.”
Wheezer: “Mummy? …Oh! That ancient guy found crushed beneath a giant boulder. Died when the boulder fell as he scraped the walls for minerals, right? But isn’t it a disappointment that in the entire history of humanity we haven’t come up with a way to determine ahead of time the effects of what we eat so that we don’t have to suffer from reflux?”
Ralph: “What are you talking about. We know that if we eat this or that we’ll benefit or suffer. Tell me you didn’t know that all that pizza you ate last night would affect your night’s rest. You knew. You ate anyway. It’s what we humans do. Damn the torpedoes; full eating ahead. There’s always an OTC cure. Everyone has one stashed in a medicine cabinet or kitchen cupboard. People are prepared to counter their eating choices; that way, they can eat as they desire and lessen the effects.”
Wheezer: “Then look at how we choose to live. We’re aware that we will suffer by doing something, but we do it anyway because we believe we’re immortal, that there’s always a way out of what we get ourselves into. ‘Yeah,’ we say, ‘I’m not going to feel well in the morning, but this stuff is irresistible. Give me another one. What’s one more drink or one more serving? I can take something.’”
Ralph: “So, we live the hedonist’s life. And we chase after fads, probably the result of effective advertising. I guess we’re all a bit guilty there. We’re told. We eat. We’re told. We do. Eating and doing in search of the new and exciting, the promises that draw the hedonist as the flame draws the moth. Only, we’re burned by heartburn. But knowing that our choices are harmful and making them anyway seems just plain stupid. I know we can’t always make those perfect choices and that we get bored with the same-old-same-old, but sometimes a little boredom is prudent, not that I want to live the life of a tree. No, I guess, what I’m saying is that we sometimes do what we know is imprudent or has wretched consequences like retching. And that applies to other choices we make, like whom we choose for public office. Seems that no matter whom we choose to put in, we soon seek some emetic.”
Wheezer: “But that’s our history. Everyone wants a leader with wisdom and integrity, someone above reproach, but then we discover that our choice gives us the gurd. And then we suffer and pop temporary remedies we find in the dark recesses of cupboards and medicine cabinets.”
Ralph: “Yeah. But that’s the problem. Temporary. And sometimes the temporary remedy begets other problems. Take too much Epsom salts, and you suffer from too much magnesium. Sometimes the cure is just as bad as the ailment. Sometimes the cure takes a generation, so the sufferers get no relief. Don’t get me started…”
Wheezer: “I think I’m going to go check my medicine cabinet. Maybe everyone should check the cabinet. The country has just swallowed something that might make us Gurdians in our collective Galaxy.”
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