Leave it to musicians like Mozart, Berlioz, and the Rolling Stones to reveal inner feeling, offering a different kind of solace to those affected by loss. When we lose a loved one, we see not light, but darkness. Our world is painted black. We can talk about hope, about a bright future, and about other states of existence, but many of us, bewildered by the drastic change loss brings, find ourselves overcome by darkness. Of course, we know that “life goes on,” but we can’t ignore the darkness that we symbolize by the fashion of funerals: Black clothes, black drapery, black cars in a line. Color? We use flowers, but they, like us, are temporary and serve only to mask the black and symbolize belief.
The harsh Dies Irae* of the great composers and the edgy and rough music of the Stones serve as contrast to typical soft dirges and inspirational music. There’s a roughness that accompanies loss, a roughness that we cannot comprehend. When we try to smooth the roughness, we fail. Death is a harsh dark reality, but even if it were colorful and smooth, it is still a reality we all have to face.
But life does go on, doesn’t it? There’s a hint of that in the song that Mick sings.** First, there’s an acknowledgement of a common experience: “I could not see this thing happening to you.” And then, “I have to turn my head until my darkness goes.” That’s it. That’s the hint. In loss we all might want even the sun painted black, but we know that the darkness eventually goes. There will be a time, an unpredictable time, when color will return and when we can look again, a time when we do not need to turn our heads away from the beauty around us. It’s that old, useless phrase “Life will go on,” that, regardless of our time of darkness, we know to be true.
The absence of color in black ironically results from the absorption of all colors. Those surrounded by the black of loss still absorb a world of color. No, as Mick sings, “It’s not easy facin’ up when your whole world is black.”
Just remember that in the darkness of your feelings you are absorbing light, all the colors of light. The light, the color, lies inside even when your world is painted black. That’s why, in time—however long you need to take—your darkness will begin to go. There will be many around you trying to shine light on your life. With good intentions and in their attempt to help, they think that they can illuminate it and provide it with color. They see you sad, and they believe they have no effect.
You, in times of grief, think their efforts are useless. The black is seemingly impenetrable. But all the while you are, in fact, absorbing color. It’s in there. Be patient. You can, in time, release it. You will, in time, want to see color.
*See “Flammis Acribus Addictis,” posted here on 2/5/17.
** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4irXQhgMqg
The harsh Dies Irae* of the great composers and the edgy and rough music of the Stones serve as contrast to typical soft dirges and inspirational music. There’s a roughness that accompanies loss, a roughness that we cannot comprehend. When we try to smooth the roughness, we fail. Death is a harsh dark reality, but even if it were colorful and smooth, it is still a reality we all have to face.
But life does go on, doesn’t it? There’s a hint of that in the song that Mick sings.** First, there’s an acknowledgement of a common experience: “I could not see this thing happening to you.” And then, “I have to turn my head until my darkness goes.” That’s it. That’s the hint. In loss we all might want even the sun painted black, but we know that the darkness eventually goes. There will be a time, an unpredictable time, when color will return and when we can look again, a time when we do not need to turn our heads away from the beauty around us. It’s that old, useless phrase “Life will go on,” that, regardless of our time of darkness, we know to be true.
The absence of color in black ironically results from the absorption of all colors. Those surrounded by the black of loss still absorb a world of color. No, as Mick sings, “It’s not easy facin’ up when your whole world is black.”
Just remember that in the darkness of your feelings you are absorbing light, all the colors of light. The light, the color, lies inside even when your world is painted black. That’s why, in time—however long you need to take—your darkness will begin to go. There will be many around you trying to shine light on your life. With good intentions and in their attempt to help, they think that they can illuminate it and provide it with color. They see you sad, and they believe they have no effect.
You, in times of grief, think their efforts are useless. The black is seemingly impenetrable. But all the while you are, in fact, absorbing color. It’s in there. Be patient. You can, in time, release it. You will, in time, want to see color.
*See “Flammis Acribus Addictis,” posted here on 2/5/17.
** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4irXQhgMqg
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