Strangers, call them Apple and Orange, talk on a train.
Apple: So, where’re you headin’?
Orange: Work. I work at Lawrence Livermore Lab.
Apple: Wow! Aren’t you busy on the cutting edge of nuclear stuff?
Orange: Yes, I guess you could say that.
Apple: So, I’m guessing you are some sort of nuclear physicist, maybe working on fusion or on some gizmo to defend the country against a North Korean nuclear attack on the West Coast.
Orange: Well, no. Actually I’m a lawyer. I work in the IDEA office.
Apple: I-D-E-A? What’s that mean. No, wait! Let me guess. You come up with the ideas for nuclear experiments and new materials.
Orange: Well, no, again. I’m more into overseeing the lab’s compliance with California standards on inclusion, diversity, equity, and accountablity. I work closely with all the HR staff.
Apple: Missed opportunity there! I would have thought that a nuclear physics lab’s employees were exclusively dedicated to practical applications of technology and science for the good of the nation. Lawrence Livermore is a national lab like Argonne, isn’t it? Gets federal funding, right? Hold on, let me look you guys up…Says here on your website your mission is applying “cutting-edge science and technology to achieve breakthroughs in nuclear deterrence, counterterrorism and nonproliferation, defense and intelligence and energy and environmental security.”
Orange: Yes, well, the lab is big and has many employees. You can read on the website that we even have people devoted to understanding “the global climate system, develop technologies to reduce accumulation of greenhouse gases and pursue the domestic production and supply of affordable, clean energy delivered across a secure and sustainable infrastructure.” So, we have a diverse employee makeup. That’s where I come in.
Apple: On climate?
Orange: No, no, no, on diversity, inclusion, equity, and accountability. And my office is good at it. We just received an award. Look, here’s the Press release on the award from the State Bar of California “in recognition of our work in inclusion, diversity, equity, and accountability.” We got the award because Lawrence Livermore’s “IDEA Office fosters a workplace culture that is inclusive, collaborative and supportive of multi-disciplinary teams to solve challenges in national security. The core beliefs of LLNL’s IDEA Office embraces people with all their unique abilities and perspectives so they can succeed in reaching their full potential at the Laboratory.”
Apple: I would think that diversity of ideas would drive the lab’s work. What’s equity have to do with science? So, do you mean to tell me that my tax dollars that could go exclusively to practical applications of science for the defense and betterment on the nation go to a social issue? I’m glad you have a job, but honestly, I can’t see Russia building a lab for nuclear research and having its scientists and engineers concerned about equity and inclusion, or even about diversity, as long as the group comes up with practical applications of their science—for that I can see diverse people with diverse ideas because of their ideas, but not because of their ethnic origin. I wonder whether Russia would have a lawyer in a lab.
Orange: Look, equity is important.
Apple: Meaning what in a lab? I can understand equality of opportunity to pursue ideas and experiments, but outcomes in science aren’t dependent on the scientist’s feelings of self-worth.
Orange: So, what is your line of work?
Apple: I make holes where there were no holes.
Orange: What?
Apple: Okay, in other words, I’m a ditch digger. In my business, we don’t look at equity. The person who makes the biggest or longest holes is recognized as the best and given the most responsibility. That’s what accountability means in ditch digging.
Orange: Is this a joke? Are you joking?
Apple: I work for a gas company laying pipelines. No one can lay a pipe unless I make a hole. Pretty much everyone is dependent on my completing that task. That’s the only measurement of success, making a long hole. No hole, no pipeline. The best backhoe operator is the best. No equity stuff. I’m accountable for making a hole. If I don’t make one, I’m gone. Fired. No questions, no lawyers, no equity involved. Simple: at the end of the day there is a hole or there isn’t a hole.
Apple: So, where’re you headin’?
Orange: Work. I work at Lawrence Livermore Lab.
Apple: Wow! Aren’t you busy on the cutting edge of nuclear stuff?
Orange: Yes, I guess you could say that.
Apple: So, I’m guessing you are some sort of nuclear physicist, maybe working on fusion or on some gizmo to defend the country against a North Korean nuclear attack on the West Coast.
Orange: Well, no. Actually I’m a lawyer. I work in the IDEA office.
Apple: I-D-E-A? What’s that mean. No, wait! Let me guess. You come up with the ideas for nuclear experiments and new materials.
Orange: Well, no, again. I’m more into overseeing the lab’s compliance with California standards on inclusion, diversity, equity, and accountablity. I work closely with all the HR staff.
Apple: Missed opportunity there! I would have thought that a nuclear physics lab’s employees were exclusively dedicated to practical applications of technology and science for the good of the nation. Lawrence Livermore is a national lab like Argonne, isn’t it? Gets federal funding, right? Hold on, let me look you guys up…Says here on your website your mission is applying “cutting-edge science and technology to achieve breakthroughs in nuclear deterrence, counterterrorism and nonproliferation, defense and intelligence and energy and environmental security.”
Orange: Yes, well, the lab is big and has many employees. You can read on the website that we even have people devoted to understanding “the global climate system, develop technologies to reduce accumulation of greenhouse gases and pursue the domestic production and supply of affordable, clean energy delivered across a secure and sustainable infrastructure.” So, we have a diverse employee makeup. That’s where I come in.
Apple: On climate?
Orange: No, no, no, on diversity, inclusion, equity, and accountability. And my office is good at it. We just received an award. Look, here’s the Press release on the award from the State Bar of California “in recognition of our work in inclusion, diversity, equity, and accountability.” We got the award because Lawrence Livermore’s “IDEA Office fosters a workplace culture that is inclusive, collaborative and supportive of multi-disciplinary teams to solve challenges in national security. The core beliefs of LLNL’s IDEA Office embraces people with all their unique abilities and perspectives so they can succeed in reaching their full potential at the Laboratory.”
Apple: I would think that diversity of ideas would drive the lab’s work. What’s equity have to do with science? So, do you mean to tell me that my tax dollars that could go exclusively to practical applications of science for the defense and betterment on the nation go to a social issue? I’m glad you have a job, but honestly, I can’t see Russia building a lab for nuclear research and having its scientists and engineers concerned about equity and inclusion, or even about diversity, as long as the group comes up with practical applications of their science—for that I can see diverse people with diverse ideas because of their ideas, but not because of their ethnic origin. I wonder whether Russia would have a lawyer in a lab.
Orange: Look, equity is important.
Apple: Meaning what in a lab? I can understand equality of opportunity to pursue ideas and experiments, but outcomes in science aren’t dependent on the scientist’s feelings of self-worth.
Orange: So, what is your line of work?
Apple: I make holes where there were no holes.
Orange: What?
Apple: Okay, in other words, I’m a ditch digger. In my business, we don’t look at equity. The person who makes the biggest or longest holes is recognized as the best and given the most responsibility. That’s what accountability means in ditch digging.
Orange: Is this a joke? Are you joking?
Apple: I work for a gas company laying pipelines. No one can lay a pipe unless I make a hole. Pretty much everyone is dependent on my completing that task. That’s the only measurement of success, making a long hole. No hole, no pipeline. The best backhoe operator is the best. No equity stuff. I’m accountable for making a hole. If I don’t make one, I’m gone. Fired. No questions, no lawyers, no equity involved. Simple: at the end of the day there is a hole or there isn’t a hole.
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