Hunter to Hunter

Dear Deer,*


I wanted you to know that I’m going to be in the woods tomorrow, probably near the path you and the other deer have made, you know, all those does you’ve been partying with. And, just a thought: Wow! Have you been partying. You’re the Bucks Buck; got your rack in just about everywhere. Anyway, I thought it might be best to warn you ahead of my hunting time. Now, forewarned, you have time to hide as much as possible.


I could have sneaked up on you a few years ago, but I let my hunting license lapse. So, like that lady who ran for President, you’ve had time to go without concern, well past hunting season. Consider yourself lucky that the guy who controls the hunting licenses has quashed all previous efforts to hunt you, you lucky buck.


To most American hunters, I’m not very good at hunting. They say I’ve let deer walk boldly past me and that I’ve never taken a clear shot. Instead, they think I’ve shot and missed because I have an obstructed view. Well, I have a reputation to uphold, so I’m giving fair warning, I’m out with a loaded gun today, not one with blanks.


David




*Missive from Hunter’s hunter