Human: “I see you coming in for your morning coffee and scone, but I don’t know your name. I’m Average Joseph, but my friends call me Av.”
Alien: “I like the coffee. I’m Doe Everyman; mine call me Ev.”
Av: “Live around here?”
Ev: “Nearby. You work nearby?”
Av: “Yeah, at the newspaper down the street. I cover the national news.”
Ev: “Oh! So, what am I going to read about in tonight’s edition?”
Av: “This might sound silly, but aliens. Seems both the American military, the Navy, specifically, and the Australian military spotted some UFOs. They both released films. Now, the US government says it will release its information on UFOs this summer. Finally, we’ll know about those allusive aircraft.”
Ev: “I wouldn’t expect much. They might have seen allusive illusions, not real spacecraft with aliens. Human brains, and thus, humans, seem ready to accept almost anything. Thus, the success of scammers.”
Av: “No. I think we’re going to see some proof this time. Those videos, pictures, and witness reports seem legit.”
Ev: “Okay, so you think we…er, so, you think aliens are here, I suppose. Maybe living among us. How about that guy over there? Or that woman? The guy is always wearing a hoodie every time I see him. Maybe he has a third eye in the back of his head. The woman, you’re a reporter. Ask to see whether she has three breasts. She’s always in a very bulky sweatshirt, even in summer.”
Av: “Ev, you can joke, but what if aliens are here, maybe to take over the world?”
Ev: “Might not be a bad idea. Humans certainly haven’t done a very good job at stewardship.”
Av: “What do you mean? Maybe I should do an opinion piece. You know, get your opinion and then go around the coffee shop to see what everyone thinks.”
Ev: “Well, consider your…I mean, our ironies. I’ve read news stories and seen TV specials on how people are destroying the planet, not just the global warming stuff, but also all those fragile ecologies. Brazilians are burning down the rainforests. People are filling the ocean with plastics and now, with COVID face masks and nitrile gloves. Yet, there’s article after article and report after report on sustaining the planet, and government agencies are always making more environmental regulations. There’s a whole industry devoted to sustainability, lots of college professors, rich people with private planes, and little kids concerned about dolphins and polar bears. Amazing! People are obsessed with sustainability, the same people who don’t give their nuclear weapons a second thought. Talk about irony! And, of course, hypocrisy. So, yes, aliens could probably run the planet better than people, that is, unless they are also subject to all the human faults, what do you call them, I mean, what do we call them? Sins.”
Av: “Really, I think I get your point. So, the skeptic in me wants to ask, ‘What if aliens were living among us? Wouldn’t they already be part of the problem? If they were here to save the planet, ala Michael Rennie in the original movie The Day the Earth Stood Still, wouldn’t they have announced their presence and given us solutions to our wayward ways?’ I should put those two questions in an article. But in my opinion, no, instead of being here to help, I think they would be here for conquest; yes, that’s their motive. Here’s a planet like a house with squatters, ready for new legitimate occupants. They don’t have good intentions; otherwise, they’d already have made their presence known and told us their purpose for being here.”
Ev: “You humans, I mean, you reporters think that aliens would operate and think the way humans operate and think. Anyway, those videos could just be optical illusions. All this could be moot. All those alien abduction stories just so much nonsense. Probing bodies stories, also. Heck, anyone can pick up Gray’s Anatomy in the bookstore or watch Grey’s Anatomy on TV. No need for probing abducted people; if aliens are smart enough to travel across the vast reaches of space, certainly, they’re smart enough to read or see broadcast TV.”
Av: “Go ahead. Joke. But I’m going to report on the government’s release of documents. Maybe the aliens don’t care about the planet, either saving it or conquering it. Maybe they are just passing by like Oumuamua; maybe they come by for a drink of water; or again, maybe they are truly just curious.”
Ev: “And I’ll look forward to your report, but on that last point, if they are curious, why not get out and kick the tires, do something to touch whatever puzzles them like the astronauts and pre-humans touching the monolith in Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, maybe even show up at this coffee shop and converse with a human? Heck, I could be from somewhere out there. How would you know I was an alien if I looked like a human? Maybe I’m in disguise. Maybe you are, Av. Maybe the reason you are a reporter is to find out more about humans to report to your home world. Being a reporter is a perfect way to mingle among humans.”
Av: “Nah! Now you’re joshing me. Anyway, it’s been nice talking to you. I’m here on my way to the paper every morning, so I guess you’ll be seeing me around.”
Ev: “Seeing you? I’ll be watching…I mean, I’ll watch for you.”
Alien: “I like the coffee. I’m Doe Everyman; mine call me Ev.”
Av: “Live around here?”
Ev: “Nearby. You work nearby?”
Av: “Yeah, at the newspaper down the street. I cover the national news.”
Ev: “Oh! So, what am I going to read about in tonight’s edition?”
Av: “This might sound silly, but aliens. Seems both the American military, the Navy, specifically, and the Australian military spotted some UFOs. They both released films. Now, the US government says it will release its information on UFOs this summer. Finally, we’ll know about those allusive aircraft.”
Ev: “I wouldn’t expect much. They might have seen allusive illusions, not real spacecraft with aliens. Human brains, and thus, humans, seem ready to accept almost anything. Thus, the success of scammers.”
Av: “No. I think we’re going to see some proof this time. Those videos, pictures, and witness reports seem legit.”
Ev: “Okay, so you think we…er, so, you think aliens are here, I suppose. Maybe living among us. How about that guy over there? Or that woman? The guy is always wearing a hoodie every time I see him. Maybe he has a third eye in the back of his head. The woman, you’re a reporter. Ask to see whether she has three breasts. She’s always in a very bulky sweatshirt, even in summer.”
Av: “Ev, you can joke, but what if aliens are here, maybe to take over the world?”
Ev: “Might not be a bad idea. Humans certainly haven’t done a very good job at stewardship.”
Av: “What do you mean? Maybe I should do an opinion piece. You know, get your opinion and then go around the coffee shop to see what everyone thinks.”
Ev: “Well, consider your…I mean, our ironies. I’ve read news stories and seen TV specials on how people are destroying the planet, not just the global warming stuff, but also all those fragile ecologies. Brazilians are burning down the rainforests. People are filling the ocean with plastics and now, with COVID face masks and nitrile gloves. Yet, there’s article after article and report after report on sustaining the planet, and government agencies are always making more environmental regulations. There’s a whole industry devoted to sustainability, lots of college professors, rich people with private planes, and little kids concerned about dolphins and polar bears. Amazing! People are obsessed with sustainability, the same people who don’t give their nuclear weapons a second thought. Talk about irony! And, of course, hypocrisy. So, yes, aliens could probably run the planet better than people, that is, unless they are also subject to all the human faults, what do you call them, I mean, what do we call them? Sins.”
Av: “Really, I think I get your point. So, the skeptic in me wants to ask, ‘What if aliens were living among us? Wouldn’t they already be part of the problem? If they were here to save the planet, ala Michael Rennie in the original movie The Day the Earth Stood Still, wouldn’t they have announced their presence and given us solutions to our wayward ways?’ I should put those two questions in an article. But in my opinion, no, instead of being here to help, I think they would be here for conquest; yes, that’s their motive. Here’s a planet like a house with squatters, ready for new legitimate occupants. They don’t have good intentions; otherwise, they’d already have made their presence known and told us their purpose for being here.”
Ev: “You humans, I mean, you reporters think that aliens would operate and think the way humans operate and think. Anyway, those videos could just be optical illusions. All this could be moot. All those alien abduction stories just so much nonsense. Probing bodies stories, also. Heck, anyone can pick up Gray’s Anatomy in the bookstore or watch Grey’s Anatomy on TV. No need for probing abducted people; if aliens are smart enough to travel across the vast reaches of space, certainly, they’re smart enough to read or see broadcast TV.”
Av: “Go ahead. Joke. But I’m going to report on the government’s release of documents. Maybe the aliens don’t care about the planet, either saving it or conquering it. Maybe they are just passing by like Oumuamua; maybe they come by for a drink of water; or again, maybe they are truly just curious.”
Ev: “And I’ll look forward to your report, but on that last point, if they are curious, why not get out and kick the tires, do something to touch whatever puzzles them like the astronauts and pre-humans touching the monolith in Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, maybe even show up at this coffee shop and converse with a human? Heck, I could be from somewhere out there. How would you know I was an alien if I looked like a human? Maybe I’m in disguise. Maybe you are, Av. Maybe the reason you are a reporter is to find out more about humans to report to your home world. Being a reporter is a perfect way to mingle among humans.”
Av: “Nah! Now you’re joshing me. Anyway, it’s been nice talking to you. I’m here on my way to the paper every morning, so I guess you’ll be seeing me around.”
Ev: “Seeing you? I’ll be watching…I mean, I’ll watch for you.”
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