We don’t seem capable of avoiding conditions in agreements. Is it mistrust? I’m thinking that Shakespeare was wrong when he wrote, “Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.”* How else explain the divorce rate? If it’s a matter of trust, then maybe Ringo Starr is more insightful than the Bard. After all, isn’t it he who sang about trust: “It don’t come easy”? In the middle of a litigious age, just about every agreement and commitment comes with caveats. Between and among individuals and nations, caveats and conditions dominate contracts; and they are there as safeguards of trust. “Yes, we agree on the condition that…” or, “Given this or that circumstance or corollary, we will cooperate in a mutual venture for….”
Adding caveats is nothing new, so I suspect that they are part of human makeup. But then that means we are “iffy”: “If you do (or don’t do) this, then I will….”
And yet, there are people who freely make or take vows: Married couples, nuns, people facing dangers or seeming hopelessness in trenches both real and imagined. If Sister Milk of Magnesia can keep her vow sans caveats, why is it so difficult for so many others to keep theirs?
The good sister might be imbued with some special virtue most of us lack. Like everyone else, she has probably encountered “alterations” of various kinds. Whatever that “special virtue” is remains a mystery. One might argue that a nun essentially has a contract with herself—though she might argue it is with God—and that trusting oneself is easier than trusting another. With regard to those who impose so many restrictions, conditions, or peripherals on vows, contracts, and mutual agreements of any nature, one might guess that the idea of a caveat-free agreement never crosses the signatories’ minds. So much a part of human contracts or relationships for so long a time, caveats are here to stay, and few would enter into any agreement without the appropriate addenda of “ifs.”
I wonder. Are "ifs" inborn or cultural? Are they genetic or learned?
When did you last enter into a commitment or agreement without the slightest caveat? When did you encounter an “alteration” that did not alter?
*Sonnet 116: “Let me not to the marriage of true minds.” 1609. Original: “Let me not to the marriage of true minds/Admit impediments, loue is not loue/Which alters when it alteration findes…”
**Starr, Ringo, “It Don’t Come Easy.” 1971 (Had we learned something about trust and commitment in the 362 years between author and composer?)
Adding caveats is nothing new, so I suspect that they are part of human makeup. But then that means we are “iffy”: “If you do (or don’t do) this, then I will….”
And yet, there are people who freely make or take vows: Married couples, nuns, people facing dangers or seeming hopelessness in trenches both real and imagined. If Sister Milk of Magnesia can keep her vow sans caveats, why is it so difficult for so many others to keep theirs?
The good sister might be imbued with some special virtue most of us lack. Like everyone else, she has probably encountered “alterations” of various kinds. Whatever that “special virtue” is remains a mystery. One might argue that a nun essentially has a contract with herself—though she might argue it is with God—and that trusting oneself is easier than trusting another. With regard to those who impose so many restrictions, conditions, or peripherals on vows, contracts, and mutual agreements of any nature, one might guess that the idea of a caveat-free agreement never crosses the signatories’ minds. So much a part of human contracts or relationships for so long a time, caveats are here to stay, and few would enter into any agreement without the appropriate addenda of “ifs.”
I wonder. Are "ifs" inborn or cultural? Are they genetic or learned?
When did you last enter into a commitment or agreement without the slightest caveat? When did you encounter an “alteration” that did not alter?
*Sonnet 116: “Let me not to the marriage of true minds.” 1609. Original: “Let me not to the marriage of true minds/Admit impediments, loue is not loue/Which alters when it alteration findes…”
**Starr, Ringo, “It Don’t Come Easy.” 1971 (Had we learned something about trust and commitment in the 362 years between author and composer?)
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