Math teacher (MT): Okay, kids, today’s lesson is functions.
Kids: Aw, Mr. Trump, do we have to?
MT: Well, if you want to know why the school is overcrowded, why, there are not enough desks for all of you, why your classmates, speak 25 different languages, and why there are illegal aliens sleeping in the gym, then learning about functions is essential to your education and to your daily life as a kid in this jam-packed school.
Kids all at once: ¿Tenemos que aprender esto?
هل علينا أن نتعلم هذا
Eske nou dwe aprann sa?
我們有必要學這個嗎？
Je, tunapaswa kujifunza hili?
Anyị ga-amụta nke a?
Naha urang kedah diajar ieu?
Bunu öğrenmek zorunda mıyız?
Ngaba kufuneka sikufunde oku?
Do we have to learn this?
MT: Honestly, just one Administration ago when I was in office, kids didn’t need this lesson, but the current Administration and NYC’s sanctuary status make it a de facto assignment. Think of it as another Democrat mandate. Anyway, we can begin by asking, “What is a function?”
It’s a math machine into which we input something and that produces an output. Often people describe it as a vending machine: Put money in. Get something out. Think of it as a ballot box into which we put in our votes and that spits out a Leftist President, or as a Democrat House into which we put false claims of Russian Collusion and that produces an impeachment, or further as a media that hears one story about a laptop and fabricates another story about Russian disinformation…
So, anyway, a function can be graphed. We say, for example, that “Eff” of “x” equals something, which we write as “f(x) = 2x+3” or maybe “f(x) = 2x^2.” Now that first example produces a line on a graph that runs upward to the right, like this: /; but the second example produces a somewhat U-shaped line, or parabola—not really U-shaped, since the upward stems flare out wider on the Y-axis. However, there is a graph line that is U-shaped when f(x) = x^4. And it’s this f(x) = x^4 that tells us why this classroom is overcrowded and the gym houses illegal Immigrants.
You see, kids, I had taken illegal border crossings down to the bottom of the “U” (on the left side of the “U”) until my successor decided to open the border. Immediately, the line became virtually vertical, as on the right side of the letter ”U.” In my term, the line plummeted virtually to zero on the Y-axis and flattened at the bottom of the Y-axis like the bottom of the “U.” In a single day, Joe Biden reversed that trend and sent the right side of the “U” skyward like a rocket as tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands to millions of unvetted illegal aliens crossed the border.
So, the Biden math ought to be labeled as the “Biden function,” as B(x), or “b of x.” produces a runaway output headed toward 8 billion (the entire population of the planet) illegals in the country as everyone races across the border to get unlimited free stuff. If the human population were infinite, the Biden function would be infinite.
Kids: Aw, Mr. Trump, do we have to?
MT: Well, if you want to know why the school is overcrowded, why, there are not enough desks for all of you, why your classmates, speak 25 different languages, and why there are illegal aliens sleeping in the gym, then learning about functions is essential to your education and to your daily life as a kid in this jam-packed school.
Kids all at once: ¿Tenemos que aprender esto?
هل علينا أن نتعلم هذا
Eske nou dwe aprann sa?
我們有必要學這個嗎？
Je, tunapaswa kujifunza hili?
Anyị ga-amụta nke a?
Naha urang kedah diajar ieu?
Bunu öğrenmek zorunda mıyız?
Ngaba kufuneka sikufunde oku?
Do we have to learn this?
MT: Honestly, just one Administration ago when I was in office, kids didn’t need this lesson, but the current Administration and NYC’s sanctuary status make it a de facto assignment. Think of it as another Democrat mandate. Anyway, we can begin by asking, “What is a function?”
It’s a math machine into which we input something and that produces an output. Often people describe it as a vending machine: Put money in. Get something out. Think of it as a ballot box into which we put in our votes and that spits out a Leftist President, or as a Democrat House into which we put false claims of Russian Collusion and that produces an impeachment, or further as a media that hears one story about a laptop and fabricates another story about Russian disinformation…
So, anyway, a function can be graphed. We say, for example, that “Eff” of “x” equals something, which we write as “f(x) = 2x+3” or maybe “f(x) = 2x^2.” Now that first example produces a line on a graph that runs upward to the right, like this: /; but the second example produces a somewhat U-shaped line, or parabola—not really U-shaped, since the upward stems flare out wider on the Y-axis. However, there is a graph line that is U-shaped when f(x) = x^4. And it’s this f(x) = x^4 that tells us why this classroom is overcrowded and the gym houses illegal Immigrants.
You see, kids, I had taken illegal border crossings down to the bottom of the “U” (on the left side of the “U”) until my successor decided to open the border. Immediately, the line became virtually vertical, as on the right side of the letter ”U.” In my term, the line plummeted virtually to zero on the Y-axis and flattened at the bottom of the Y-axis like the bottom of the “U.” In a single day, Joe Biden reversed that trend and sent the right side of the “U” skyward like a rocket as tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands to millions of unvetted illegal aliens crossed the border.
So, the Biden math ought to be labeled as the “Biden function,” as B(x), or “b of x.” produces a runaway output headed toward 8 billion (the entire population of the planet) illegals in the country as everyone races across the border to get unlimited free stuff. If the human population were infinite, the Biden function would be infinite.
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