Written in the Manner of Aristophanes’ Lysistrata
Chorus:
Come, O women, gather round
Come or don’t come all the way.
Hear, O hear Lysistrata say
“I’ve sworn off sex this very day.”
Lysistrata:
Come near, ladies; hear me out
I’m too tired to leap and shout
Too worn with all this loss and woe;
The nation’s gone to Hell, you know,
When it voted in our foe.
I have a plan to overthrow
Him as he did to our friend old Joe.
And I know how to punish those
Who voted ‘fore the polls did close
To put in office an awful man
Who’ll do the things on which he ran.
He’ll ban us from our self-control
So we’ve been told despite denial;
He makes all women homicidal.
Hear me out; I have a plan:
We need to poison every man.
We make their food, and so we can.
So douse some glycol on meat and melon
Of men who voted for that felon;
And tell them as they writhe and die
You put poison in their pie.
You’ll get revenge that is so sweet,
When you can poison every treat.**
Cinesias:
Please, Lysistrata, change your mind
My wife was once both good and kind;
We had a love life filled with joy
Sometimes she even used a toy.
But hearing you, she left our bed;
I fear our love life is now dead.
Lysistrata:
Serves you right, you foolish man
To vote for that most evil man.
Sisters, look the pow’r gained
Easily so, our men are pained.
They can’t forego one night of sex
As they are simple but we, complex.
Chorus:
Two movements stir in both sexes
Women’s 4B and men’s reflexes.
The latter are the weaker kind;
Without the sex they lose their mind.
The women say they’ll leave their house,
To go to Sappho's isle Lesbos
And there they’ll practice the four Bs.
Bihon, bichulsan, biyeonae, bisekseu
They’ll clear the nation, producing few
Or even no offspring to vote.
Abandon men; with Sappho gloat.
But don’t we find their logic flawed?
They’ll have no sex with men who woo
And then bichulsan, no children, too?
Are they thinking virgin birth?
Is the fourth B just for mirth?
The fourth B’s quite superfluous.
No sex with men is treasonous.
Who’ll fill the army’s ranks to fight
For peace and joy and all that’s right?
And when you have no children more
Will there be no one to replace
The girls who age, once filled the place?
O Women who sign onto this
Think this through; don’t give up bliss.
The men you shun or plan to kill
Are not so bad; some have goodwill.
They didn’t vote to take your rights;
They voted to reduce our plights.
There was no malice as they cast
Their votes against the four years past.
Lysistrata
O Foolish men, you think us helpless;
But abstinence reveals YOUR weakness.
You can’t live a day without us;
Say goodbye to all your lust.
We’ll marry those within our kind
And let the thought blow your mind.
We’ll never cook or clean or sew
Until that evil man will go
To live where he can do no harm
To young teachers or old school marm.
And while you speak of treachery
The women of that fateful Tuesday
Who voted R are most to blame
For this dire plight, the nation’s shame.
Cinesias:
But Lysistrata it’s not so bad;
You women needn’t be so sad.
Life will go on as before
The major difference is the door.
The “evil one” as you call him,
Will stave off threats from Korea’s Kim,
Will shut the nation’s open boundaries
And promote the start of brand new foundries.
His goal is not to cause you harm
Nor to persuade with pseudo-charm.
His goal’s not wealth just for the richest
Nor is it so to jail View’s bitches.
He wants the best economy
And halt inflation of the last VP.
He wants cheap energy because he knows
With it a grand economy grows.
He wants the army to be strong
To break the enemy when they go wrong.
Lysistrata
Cinesias, you are a fool,
Your only thought’s your flaming tool.
You want us back in our bed,
Our absence is your only dread.
Give us now what we ask for
Impeach him on the House floor.
You did it once or twice before;
We got him then; now we want more.
So, acquiesce to our demands
Or sleep beside a bare nightstand.
Chorus:
And so, dear watchers, it remains
A country worse divided now
As women sing CNN’s refrains.
They once moaned, and now they’ll growl.
Extreme rhetoric will not abate
When women speak all the hate.
*bihon (heterosexual marriage), bichulsan (childbirth), biyeonae (dating) and bisekseu (sex) SEE Charles Trepany, Nov. 8, 2024. USA Today online: “Trump's election has women swearing off sex with men. It's called the 4B movement.” As Trepany explains, “The ‘4B‘ movement gets its name from four Korean words that all start with the letter "b": bihon (heterosexual marriage), bichulsan (childbirth), biyeonae (dating) and bisekseu (sex). You join the movement by giving up all four with men.”
**Yep, the Extremists are out there, now calling for murdering men. SEE Chris Nesi. Nov. 10, 2024. US News online: Women furious about Trump’s win start ‘MATGA’ movement — which glorifies poisoning men: ‘They asked for it’
The movement with the acronym MATGA is named for Tofana, a 17th-century Italian woman who sold poison to wives who wished to dispatch their abusive husbands — resulting in the deaths of more than 600 men.